I have very strong feelings about the way she’s being lured in. I guess I have to just stand back and let it happen, but I feel like she’s making a big mistake.
I attended a “party” last night at her house. This was her second party, and in attendance were myself, another friend of hers and her mentor, or whatever they are called. The mentor ran the show, “training” my girlfriend, and presenting the products to us. I questioned the mentor on a couple ingredients, and she seemed a little put off by my cynicism. I’m just being me. I’m a cynic, and a skeptic, and I really don’t trust these people.
They’re a pyramid, no matter how you cut it. And the numbers I’ve seen, as far as success, sales, commissions, etc are staggering.
After the meeting I felt manipulated, and I felt that my intelligence had been insulted. It was like being in that commercial that you turn off, only I can’t turn this one off. They played this game with us… gave us a “gift” and then asked us not to open it until they said I could. So I had this thing there through the whole meeting, and at the end, she asked how many names I had on my list of people “who might benefit from Arbonne”. Mine had none. I don’t want to use my friends to get whatever is in that little box. Basically they said that if I hosted a party and got four friends to show up, that I could keep the “gift”. I wanted to tell her something explicit that I won’t say here, but I just politely declined. So, she made me give the “gift” back. Hmm, sounds more like a carrot on a string.
Anyway, it pains me to think of my girlfriend doing this kind of thing. It seems underhanded, desperate, greedy and cheap. Of course I was there to support her yesterday, but I just don’t know if I can support this in the long run. Part of me says to just hang in there and let things play out as they may. But, its already come between us and its only been a few weeks of her Arbonnizing.
Any thoughts out there?
However, she denies it! Is this part of Arbonne being a cult? She told her boss there are other things she needs to take care of in her life like concerns she has for her parents, wants to do missions, etc….She told her boss if she heard that she quit to do Arbonne, not to believe it. Yet she is just doing Arbonne. I have noticed that she is looking for business builders who are wanting to invest lots of money from payday loans no credit check (I am guessing so she can move up the ladder to start earning income.) She says she has invested a lot of money, I asked her if she’s been able to recoup the money invested and she said “Not yet, that will come later. She will never share her success with money, but she’s dead set on sharing her uplines success) This is the Atlanta INMAN arbonne forum. Now she’s been going to her workplace hanging out there…..Don’t know if she realizes she made a mistake or if she’s desperate to make new contacts for business building purposes. I think she’s making a fool of herself going back and just hanging out at her old job every now and then….She says a few people need her help there with their work because they are new.
I don’t know who those people are, but know that sounds weird. Any words of wisdom here?
Although I am 26 and single, I went through a similar challenge, not with a girlfriend but rather with my family. I had visions of ‘Freedom 30’ for a while, but thankfully never really got consumed by the business as the people and environment always kind of turned me off, not to mention the fact that I saw my family doing everything they were told for years, busting their butts, and maybe making a slight profit. This is despite the fact that the diamonds will feed you cliches like ‘the business is 100% predictable’, and ‘no one that has done everything required has ever failed’. Those statements are simply not true. The business literally consumed my family for a number of years, things are starting to show improvements as of late thank goodness!
Support your boyfriend, and say you care about his best interests. Try and introduce him to what is truly ‘the big picture’ . Try and make him understand that the information that he is being presented is very one sided, and not objective. Try and get some credible info from the other side into his hands. Personally I found the Bo Short (ex diamond who resigned for ethical reasons, do a search and you should find his name) resignation letter worked wonders as my family viewed his word as credible. The recent Don Storms and Joe and Doris Shaw situations also don’t look good for the business. Point out that many diamonds have either resigned, been terminated or just had their business collapse, hence going back to former careers. Connect that with the fact that the residual income theory is a myth. Why would many diamonds have gone back to work if a six figure salary just rolled in every year? Try and make him understand that if he will be big in the business he will have a lifelong commitment(at least as long as the business exists!) to it focused largely on the sale of tools and that he will likely be a very busy guy, not kicking his feet up on some tropical beach. Again, the Bo Short letter covers all of his and much more, it is a must read. The upcoming Dateline show would be recommended as well.
Agree with most of the previous posts, get at your boyfriend sooner rather than later, as the commitment will only grow, and could consume him for years. Get him the objective info that I suggested above, show him what he could do with the money he will be wasting on training materials, and if he is an aspiring entrepreneur help introduce him to other potential business models that will almost certainly have a better success potential than Quixtar.
If none of this works, and he truly becomes more devoted to Quixtar than you, than I guess you would have to think long and hard about your relationship!
that dealt with gambling addiction; and I couldn’t help but compare it to what happens when someone gets “plugged into” an AMO. They are willing to risk everything: savings/relationships/childrens’ futures/legitimate employment/education…..the list goes on and on. Each “addict” seems to have a point where they finally realize that the “easy money” isn’t going to come – but I can’t predict how awful it will have to get, before your boyfriend realizes he’s just “another brick in the wall” (sorry – I’m showing my age!) But YOU need to determine at what point it will be prudent for you to leave lest you be dragged into the vortex with him. And my motherly advice would be to delay marrying this man until he’s free of the grasp of the “system”.
I wish I had more encouraging advice for you – but there are many older posts regarding relationships between pros and antis. Some antis were successful in rescuing their loved ones; others were not. Benefit from the wisdom they have shared, and do what’s best for you.
If your boyfriend conducts business as the systems teach, it will definitely become the center of your life. You will plan everything around the meetings, functions, prospecting, plans, etc.. Vacations are business- centered. (You’ll go to some lovely places for functions, you just won’t have any free time to see them. You’ll be stuck in a rah-rah meeting until the wee hours of the morning.) The system teaches that every family get-together is a prospecting venue. Some systems even have the gall to suggest the proper time in your business to have children. Or buy a car. And what kind to buy.
I’m pulling for you, I hope your boyfriend sees the light and runs for the hills. Hopefully you can find some support and encouragement on this board. I’ve really been impressed with the wisdom of these people…
At some point, you will have to decide whether you’re willing to remain in his life while he destroys it. . . or his upline might force him to choose between you and the “business.”
You need to educate yourself about cults, and about how they recruit and retain members. There are book recommendations in a number of previous posts. Just do a search here on “cult”
it’s not gonna end anytime soon, I was in for 12 years, and i told my girlfriend that i would have her retired, she found someone else who made more money then i did and left me, I spent thousands of dollars, and there going to suck out every dime they can, thru tapes, books, meetings, functions, leadership meetings, Even barbeques.
Your family members are in a cult like experience. I’m not sure if you have receieved advice yet, but one thing I can say as someone that was sucked into it, I was very thankful that my loved ones were still there for me when I got out of the fog of MLM. I guess I would just say love them in spite of the fact that what is coming out their mouths is garbage. I hope they see the light soon and back away from Arbonne.
Is there a resource that one can point to when someone says “My family member is in an MLM and I don’t know what to do?”. Is there something in the file section of this forum that can give some support for those who want to help or just survive living with a “true MLM believer”.
that is profitting off MLMers by selling books, tapes, websites, leads, blah, blah, blah. He is very smooth sounding but he is promoting MLM which this online group here wholeheartedly is against. His message is the the same as any other guru though he does come off as credible as he has tought mlm at a university etc, was in the navy etc. But don’t be fooled. MLM is MLM however you spin it.
Shakey operations tend to really emphasize positive thinking. As an older guy I knew said, “Let me tell you, if I’m making money, I will have a positive attitude.” He also added, “If I want a positive attitude, I can go to church.”
The overpriced product, the Amway ten dollar bottle of shampoo. ‘Concentrated, so that just a little pea-sized portion in the palm of your hand. Such good quality for your hair . . . ‘
Well, how many people are going to be buying a ten dollar bottle of shampoo, and how often, especially if it does last as long as they say?
And the all-time biggest sign of a rip-off sales organization: They drive you around a neighborhood in white vans!
(Learn from seasoned poker players, fold the hand early)
The same older salesman told me, in response to claims that it doesn’t matter what you’re selling, that a good salesperson–“Well, let me tell you, it does matter what you’re selling!”
I was deluded enough to think that their products would supplement my family’s income. I have seen enough companies (at least 6 of them) with the MLM format to discern that most of them follow the same modus operandi:
1) to recruit new members and tell them that anyone can make money with their system
2) to feed them false hopes that anyone can sell even without business training or capital
3) that they can have the opulent lifestyle they have been dreaming of for years by being a member of the MLM
4) that this scheme is controversial (but it works) because it can generate income if you recruit more and more people for your downline & sell their products (it’s more of the former than the latter),so its ‘enemies’ conspire to bring this system down.
By ‘enemies’,they mean people who are against the system either by dropping out of it,being ignorant (not trying MLM at all and condemning it wholesale) or being intimidated (since its earning potential conflicts with their business interests)
Therefore,the MLM proponents claim that people drop out of the system because they are ignorant,not well trained,did not try hard enough or did not use the system at all due to some bias.