But you don’t have to completely “stand back and let it happen.” You can get involved.
The IMPORTANT thing is that you can’t get involved in a confrontational way. You’ll lose that battle.
The only way I know COULD work would be to get some education about MLM, in general, and Arbonne, specifically, and then begin asking questions of her. They need to be questions that she will need to research to find answers.
“Why” and “how” questions will be the best. “Why does such-and-such work this way?” “How does this work?” If you just don’t understand anything about it, she’ll have to do research to provide you with answers. And the more research she has to do, the more likely she’ll encounter sites, such as this one, that give the other side of the story, the one her mentors don’t want her to hear.
Read as much of our archive as you can. I know it’s huge, but if you go back a month or so and start reading, you’ll begin to get the picture. I’m working on a document that will have some sample questions in it, and you’ll be welcome to use that for some of your intervention.
Above everything else, DON’T condemn what she’s doing. At least, not yet. Don’t call her stupid for falling for it. Don’t call it a scam.
And if she does find out the truth and quit Arbonne, don’t tell her, “I told you so.” These are all loaded comments that will cause her to dig in her heels with the business or think you are losing respect for her. None of this is good for a relationship. (You may be able to say “I told you so” later – once her own feelings about it are sorted out and she can appreciate you for steering her away from a scam.
She’ll appreciate that you’re looking out for her.)
My wife and I went through 5+ years of Amway and stayed together. I know there are couples who went through less and split up over it.
And I know there are couples who went through more (sometimes MUCH more) and stayed together. So it doesn’t have to end badly for your relationship. But you have to be careful about it now.
Good Luck to you.
I have very strong feelings about the way she’s being lured in. I guess I have to just stand back and let it happen, but I feel like she’s making a big mistake.
I attended a “party” last night at her house. This was her second party, and in attendance were myself, another friend of hers and her mentor, or whatever they are called. The mentor ran the show, “training” my girlfriend, and presenting the products to us. I questioned the mentor on a couple ingredients, and she seemed a little put off by my cynicism. I’m just being me. I’m a cynic, and a skeptic, and I really don’t trust these people.
They’re a pyramid, no matter how you cut it. And the numbers I’ve seen, as far as success, sales, commissions, etc are staggering.
After the meeting I felt manipulated, and I felt that my intelligence had been insulted. It was like being in that commercial that you turn off, only I can’t turn this one off. They played this game with us… gave us a “gift” and then asked us not to open it until they said I could. So I had this thing there through the whole meeting, and at the end, she asked how many names I had on my list of people “who might benefit from Arbonne”. Mine had none. I don’t want to use my friends to get whatever is in that little box. Basically they said that if I hosted a party and got four friends to show up, that I could keep the “gift”. I wanted to tell her something explicit that I won’t say here, but I just politely declined. So, she made me give the “gift” back. Hmm, sounds more like a carrot on a string.
Anyway, it pains me to think of my girlfriend doing this kind of thing. It seems underhanded, desperate, greedy and cheap. Of course I was there to support her yesterday, but I just don’t know if I can support this in the long run. Part of me says to just hang in there and let things play out as they may. But, its already come between us and its only been a few weeks of her Arbonnizing.
Any thoughts out there?
However, she denies it! Is this part of Arbonne being a cult? She told her boss there are other things she needs to take care of in her life like concerns she has for her parents, wants to do missions, etc….She told her boss if she heard that she quit to do Arbonne, not to believe it. Yet she is just doing Arbonne. I have noticed that she is looking for business builders who are wanting to invest lots of money from payday loans no credit check (I am guessing so she can move up the ladder to start earning income.) She says she has invested a lot of money, I asked her if she’s been able to recoup the money invested and she said “Not yet, that will come later. She will never share her success with money, but she’s dead set on sharing her uplines success) This is the Atlanta INMAN arbonne forum. Now she’s been going to her workplace hanging out there…..Don’t know if she realizes she made a mistake or if she’s desperate to make new contacts for business building purposes. I think she’s making a fool of herself going back and just hanging out at her old job every now and then….She says a few people need her help there with their work because they are new.
I don’t know who those people are, but know that sounds weird. Any words of wisdom here?
Although I am 26 and single, I went through a similar challenge, not with a girlfriend but rather with my family. I had visions of ‘Freedom 30’ for a while, but thankfully never really got consumed by the business as the people and environment always kind of turned me off, not to mention the fact that I saw my family doing everything they were told for years, busting their butts, and maybe making a slight profit. This is despite the fact that the diamonds will feed you cliches like ‘the business is 100% predictable’, and ‘no one that has done everything required has ever failed’. Those statements are simply not true. The business literally consumed my family for a number of years, things are starting to show improvements as of late thank goodness!
Support your boyfriend, and say you care about his best interests. Try and introduce him to what is truly ‘the big picture’ . Try and make him understand that the information that he is being presented is very one sided, and not objective. Try and get some credible info from the other side into his hands. Personally I found the Bo Short (ex diamond who resigned for ethical reasons, do a search and you should find his name) resignation letter worked wonders as my family viewed his word as credible. The recent Don Storms and Joe and Doris Shaw situations also don’t look good for the business. Point out that many diamonds have either resigned, been terminated or just had their business collapse, hence going back to former careers. Connect that with the fact that the residual income theory is a myth. Why would many diamonds have gone back to work if a six figure salary just rolled in every year? Try and make him understand that if he will be big in the business he will have a lifelong commitment(at least as long as the business exists!) to it focused largely on the sale of tools and that he will likely be a very busy guy, not kicking his feet up on some tropical beach. Again, the Bo Short letter covers all of his and much more, it is a must read. The upcoming Dateline show would be recommended as well.
Agree with most of the previous posts, get at your boyfriend sooner rather than later, as the commitment will only grow, and could consume him for years. Get him the objective info that I suggested above, show him what he could do with the money he will be wasting on training materials, and if he is an aspiring entrepreneur help introduce him to other potential business models that will almost certainly have a better success potential than Quixtar.
If none of this works, and he truly becomes more devoted to Quixtar than you, than I guess you would have to think long and hard about your relationship!